I sometimes feel the need to post about things that have nothing to do with fashion, and today is one of those times.
Throughout my entire life, one of my biggest pet-peeves, for lack of a better word, is when people flake out. I don’t mean those times where a friend cancels last minute because of an emergency or mix-up. Those times are understandable, and everyone has them. As long as you give me a real reason, I don’t see any problem in canceling plans. However, for some reason or another, I’ve experienced so many instances of un-called-for, flat-out flakiness, I’m starting to wonder if I just attract those kinds of people. I’ve been told before that it might actually be the case, because people feel like I’m too laid back or nice to get upset when they flake out. Well, for anybody else who fits that description out there, I’d like say, just because we’re nice doesn’t mean you can leave us hanging with no good reason!
I know a lot of my family and friends have been experiencing this too recently, and I’ve been really struggling to understand why people do this. I’ve heard all the reasons – they think if they say no they’d hurt people’s feelings; they forgot; their phone died – and honestly, they’re all a load of B.S. People gotta realize that it hurts more to be totally disrespected than to be honestly told no. If you forget, or your phone dies, then you call, text or e-mail the next day to apologize. It’s all about common courtesy people. I would personally feel horrible telling someone I was coming to their party, dinner, whatever, and then didn’t show up, call or text why. For whatever reason, I’ve had my fair share of friends who constantly did this and I learned something important from those people – if they continue on like that, even after you’ve tried to talk about it, they aren’t really your friend. It took me a long time to realize, but some wise words from a wise man helped me get there:
Whatever reasons constantly flakey people have for being that way are their own issues, and it isn’t about you.
I always used to get upset about it, because I always try hard and go out of my way to be a good friend, even to people I’m not that close with, so being flaked-out on can feel like a personal offense. However, this isn’t a helpful way to think about things, as I’m learning. Just because I go out of my way to do nice things for people, doesn’t mean I should expect anything in return. Being kind should be something people do regardless of whatever appreciation they get in return. I am writing about this because recently I’ve been learning these hard lessons that I think most people experience through their life. Everyone has the friend who you only see because you’re the one reaching out to them. Everyone encounters people who tell you they’ll be there, and then never show up and never explain why. These can be hard blows and there isn’t really any getting around that, but it doesn’t mean those people out there who always go the extra mile to be a good friend should stop being good. It means the total opposite! I’m beginning to realize, that as easy as it would be to just put up a wall, the more times I’m flaked out on, the more I want to be the opposite of a flake.
Recently something happened where I seriously questioned whether there even are solid, non-flakey people out there who appreciate their friendships. I know those people are out there and I’m lucky enough to have a few in my life, but as I was struggling to try and figure out what lesson or message I was supposed to learn from this I realized a few things:
1) Sometimes people are rude, inconsiderate or mean for no (good) reason, and you just have to learn to brush it off.
2) Sometimes people are rude, inconsiderate or mean for reasons that have nothing to do with you, and you just have to learn to brush it off.
3) Mean, inconsiderate and rude people should just inspire you to be that much nicer.
4) If a majority of people in your life at any given time seem to be flakey, use the frustration as motivation to find people who aren’t like that.
5) You can’t rely on other people for your own happiness. If you’re happy with yourself, you’ll always find happiness with the people who matter.
6) Showing gratitude once a day can increase your personal happiness, so tell the people you’re grateful for that you appreciate them!
This post had nothing to do with fashion or style, but I hope it speaks to anyone who has been flaked on, or who has been a flake. PS: stylebandits never flake on friends 🙂